“You can do no wrong in my eyes, to me you are perfect.” Sometimes when we fall in love with a person, we do think this from time to time. Or at least, the majority of us do.
Come to think of it you might be wondering what’s the harm in thinking this? After all, the one we love or like, is perfect to us, there is nothing wrong with them, that’s why we got attracted to them and choose to be with them. However, the line crosses when you convert that thinking from there is nothing wrong in them to they can’t do anything wrong. It is good to be optimistic and try to see the good in people, especially the person you plan on being with — esp in the long run, but, the person is still a human being with their flaws, issues and insecurities.
Humans are a very emotional lot. We see something, we see a bright light in the darkness, the light at the end of the tunnel, we see it beckon us and we think that this is it, this is our salvation; this is what will save us. But not always do we end up truly benefiting. Sometimes the light can blind us too if we constantly look at it and think about it.
We give so much importance to the light that we forget darkness also plays its part in our lives; this holds true, especially if the person is down and low on self-esteem.
Darkness in a way is more important than light because if there was no darkness there would be no need for light if there was no darkness we wouldn’t feel the feelings we feel when we see light in the darkness — comfort, security, warmth etc. Humans are not perfect, and in love, you have to accept that the person you are going to be with will not be perfect. If you cannot acknowledge this and accept this, you aren’t mature enough to love yet — or be in love.
You have to realise that people will make mistakes, people will be bad, and you have to realise that some people will be bad for you. No one is perfect and we cannot think they are. Otherwise, we get mistreated, we get treated like doormats, we get taken for granted etc. On the extreme side of things, we face and continue to take emotional and/or physical abuse from people for many days, months, or years, because we fail to understand that the person we love isn’t perfect and how they’re treating us isn’t normal. IT IS NOT ACCEPTABLE!
We put the person we love up high on a pedestal and hold them in the highest regard, however when they start to disappoint us and not come up to our expectations, they start to fall in our eyes — and lose respect. That realisation comes at a grave cost to us because we had put all of our eggs in one basket; we had assumed that only one person will be the source of all our emotional needs and fulfilment. More often than not, when that person’s integrity starts to crumble before our eyes and we start to realise that this is not the person we fell for, we go into a state of cognitive dissonance. We also go into a state of denial.
We fail to understand that these are just the true colours we failed to see before because we were blinded by our feelings for a person, we keep thinking that there must be a reason why the person is behaving obnoxiously and badly with us, or there must be a reason why they don’t talk to us like how they used to. We start to get paranoid and blame ourselves first and foremost, and never stop to think that this person that we love and gave all our emotions to, was simply not right for us.
I truly believe only a fool rushes in and falls deeply. Only a fool becomes attached too quickly and more than that, only a fool trusts quickly. We should not trust people quickly and we should not get attached to them quickly too. Needless to say, it does not mean that you should never open up to someone or take too long to do so. Just be careful about it. Do not idolise someone and think of someone as perfect, they will never be, they are human beings and will make mistakes. They will hurt and disappoint, but that is okay. People should have the emotional maturity to move past these things, to continue in a relationship. If someone does not have the emotional maturity to deal with the challenges in a relationship, then they should not be in a relationship in the first place.
Not being able to see a person for who they are — a human being who is vulnerable and susceptible to mistakes, will leave you open to a lot of hurt and disappointment. If you continue to let this happen to you, it will become a habitual pattern that you will go into in any kind of relationship. These behavioural patterns then not only become toxic for you but for the other person too. Be clear about what you want out of a person and realise that they are a person, this will help you navigate relationships much easier.
