Lessons on Intimacy and Relationships from the film ‘Good Luck to You, Leo Grande.’
The other day, I enjoyed watching the movie “Good Luck to You, Leo Grande”. The poster for the film featured Daryl McCormack lying in front of the bed with a barely dressed Emma Thompson. Based on previous promotions of films with similar posters, one might think that the film is one of those typical cringey sex/romantic comedies that one sees in theatres every year. That is different from this one. The truth is that is the reason why I had been putting off watching the movie for a long time and finally got around to watching it a few days ago. Initially, I did not think the film would be engaging or memorable. I thought it was a typical rom-com; I was almost tempted to pass on it, but I chose to watch it primarily due to Emma Thompson, one of my favourite British actors.
The film far exceeded my expectations. It was pretty sweet and warm and addressed issues we all face daily — such as our insecurities that can negatively impact our relationships and impede our growth.
For me, the film was awe-inspiring in terms of the sensitive and delicate manner in which it addressed the insecurities associated with body image. In the film, Emma Thompson plays Nancy Stokes, a 60-year-old retired high school teacher who has lived a monotonous and boring existence. From the outset, it is apparent that she is looking for excitement and a change in her life. The film is primarily a whimsical affair confronting issues related to sex and relationships head-on. It also attempts to dismantle taboos and dispel the stigma surrounding sexuality by dismantling taboos. In addition, the film addresses the issue of ageism and tries to convey that seeking pleasure at any age and stage is appropriate and acceptable.
Our society has this strange notion that after a certain age, a person should no longer feel emotion, have fun, or be able to enjoy pleasure. As a result, they are forbidden to experience desire or arousal; if they do, they cannot express it for fear of public humiliation. It is a strange concept in a society that things such as enjoyment, fun, and romance are reserved for the young. While the young live their lives, the older generation is left in the dark.
Several people have uttered the phrase “Your time is over. It is now our time.” to elderly people. My strong disagreement with this statement stems from the fact that it strikes me as highly ageist. Every individual has the right to live the kind of life they desire. Their choice is theirs, and it is up to them what they wish. The film also embodies this theme. As the film opens, Emma Thompson is waiting for someone in a hotel room. Eventually, we are introduced to the character of Daryl McCormack, Leo Grande, who makes a grand entrance into her life. This film portrays Leo as a hired sex worker who suffers from various traumas and issues that become apparent towards the end.
Despite her courage in booking a hotel room and hiring a sex worker, Nancy appears rigid, uptight and reserved about the whole situation when she sees Leo enter the hotel room. To compensate for the lack of sex she experienced with her diseased husband, she wishes to indulge in sex before she passes away, hence why she books a sex worker. Nancy is depicted as a highly prudish and standoffish individual due to her mediocre and mundane sexual relationship with her husband. Furthermore, she expresses many times in the film to Leo how she has never been exposed to orgasm by her husband and has a strong desire to experience it.
On the other hand, Leo Grande is an energetic, bubbly, and very calm individual who is enthusiastic about his work. To some extent, he serves as Nancy’s pacifier. In the film, it is unclear whether it is due to the substantial age gap between the two or the differences between their natures and personalities; however, he complements her well. Nancy’s insecurities regarding sex are immediately apparent to him, especially her concerns regarding her body image. As he stands in front of the full-length mirror, with her partially naked, he gives her a lot of reassurance and positive affirmations, including: “Nancy, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.” In addition to his reassurances and positive affirmations, he also gives her confidence to gradually become more comfortable removing her clothing and being naked in front of him by increasing her self-esteem.
Throughout the film, we witness Nancy’s character development and growth, a meaningful journey made possible by Leo’s support. As well as helping her deal with her insecurities, he also fulfils her wishes, and they discuss her “sex bucket list”. As the film progresses, we understand Leo’s role in Nancy’s life. She has wild sex with him, enjoys his company, and slowly feels like she is falling in love with him — catching feelings for him. The film turns a corner at this point. Leo maintains an air of mystery before this point and does not reveal personal information about himself. It must be noted that even the name Leo Grande is not his actual name, but one he gave himself when he entered the lives of the sex workers. Seeing Nancy fall for Leo and desire to know more about him — beyond their contract and the terms and conditions of their trysts and hotel meetings, Leo abruptly terminates their sexual relationship.
From this point onwards, Nancy realises that she does not require a man for sexual fulfilment. At the end of the film, having experienced an orgasm, she informs Leo that she no longer requires his services. Despite this, she expresses gratitude to Leo for igniting her newfound confidence and bringing about her sexual awakening. She feels alive again after having lived an emotionally dead and dormant life for years.
Overall, the film is a nuanced portrait of sex and intimacy, and the experience of seeking both is fundamentally human. In the film, Nancy is shown to have caged herself into a life that is so empty, so devoid of any pleasure, happiness or joy. She is wasting away her life, old and ageing when this world seems younger each day, and being belittled and attacked relentlessly because she is searching for pleasure in her life. In lieu of love, Nancy wants sex and adventure, which is scandalous for society, as it violates the norm. But, in reality, women who seek pleasure and intimacy — even those who are married — are viewed with contempt and shame. Even in romantic relationships, the pursuit of pleasure and intimacy is stigmatised and scandalised by the public.
The film tells the story of female pleasure and how women deserve to be treated as equals emotionally and sexually — something that many relationships and marriages lack, especially these days, because most of them are dominated by men. It is also about relationships and how living with someone — no matter how long the relationship has lasted — does not guarantee comfort or pleasure. Even though relationships can last for quite a long time, it does not mean that people’s needs are being met or that they are pleased. Many people fear leaving their comfort zone, leading them to remain in unhappy and toxic relationships and marriages. Instead, a consistent and subdued attempt is being made to attack and marginalise women’s passions: stigmatising and scandalising them so women remain silent. Their lives are emaciated, and they are constantly confined to solitary confinement without any hope of escape, leading to their unhappy end.
Moreover, messy unravelling occurs when one ends up untethered from toxic behaviours after a lifetime of facing them in a repressed manner. Yet, despite the freedom they have achieved, they must learn to fly all over again since they have stagnated for too long, and now the world has moved on without them. This time, they will learn how to fly higher and for longer periods.
In addition to analysing boundaries and conflicts, the film also focuses on how we manage these trials at this time and how the concept of sexual consent is inextricably linked with the concept of emotional consent. In the film, as the two main characters navigate the world of pleasure, they come across the often unavoidable reality that with sex comes the truth that there are elements of us that feel disparate from the carnal release of sexual intercourse — our trauma, our pain, our history, the indelible curvatures that make us who we are, both in and out of the bedroom. Undeniably, those aspects of our being play a significant role in determining the sex we will have. Sexual experiences influence the sex we have, whether they are used to escape or indulge them; our ability to enjoy pleasure is often determined by how well we know ourselves.
The film’s most profound aspect was how deeply erotic and sexual consent is. Seeing Leo being so gentle and understanding towards her was old-fashioned but beautiful at the same time. Every time he prepared to touch or perform an act on her body, he asked her permission. Nancy then accords him with the same level of respect and asks for his consent. He is reassured that she is doing the right thing so that he may also enjoy what she is doing. I believe that what makes sex and intimacy so meaningful and fulfilling in a relationship is when both parties respect and understand one another’s needs and desires. Both parties respect each other’s boundaries, and consent is always given.
